Working with one’s brain is a hard skill to master. You have the entire world yelling at you through media and consumption items telling you how you’re supposed to be productive. Want to be successful? Use this planner/calendar/app! Want to keep a clean house? Use THIS chore chart! Have you considered this food delivery system? What about trying this diet! All you have to do is wake up 15 minutes earlier every day to do this exercise system! Don’t forget to manage the social-emotional-physical-psychological health of your kids/partner/pets/parents/siblings with these steps!
It's exhausting. I’m exhausted. The problem isn’t the accessibility of all that stuff. It does in fact work for some folks. It can be extremely helpful to ‘think on paper’ for those who struggle to remember their to-do tasks or important info. Some people can just wake up 15 minutes earlier to get in a good workout. These meal delivery plans can be a cost effective and helpful option for a certain demographic. It’s not bad stuff- but the bombardment of it can feel like a message on repeat “ You’re failing, you’re failing, you’re failing – look how easy it is for everyone else.”
The inability to manage it all is not a neurodivergent vs. neurotypical brain issue- it’s a societal problem. We were never meant to manage it all. Most of this stuff did not even exist 50 years ago – let alone throughout most of human history. Evolutionarily speaking we are not meant to have to manage all this withing the constraints of our current environment. The very fact that we are doing as well as we are as a species is a testament to human adaptability as a whole.
But – I still feel like I’m failing. I still feel like I’ve let down the team when I don’t use my daily planner. Even if I get all my stuff done that day – I still ‘did it wrong’ because I did not follow the advice to think on paper. I must constantly remind myself that my brain simply just does not work that way. I do much better writing down things I’ve done as I go, or once the day is over. For most household chores I use a magnet board to just mark the chore for the week as done by me – to prove that I did in fact do something that day.
Honestly, I think that we overthink our lives to the point of running in place a la Scooby Doo. For instance, Yesterday does not count as productive because I did not fold and put away my laundry. We must not count the fact that I cleaned and rearranged an entire bedroom, organized my bookshelves in said room, ran a load of dishes and cooked dinner for my family. No- because the ONE CHORE I was SUPPOSED to do did not get done, the entire day was wasted. Some of this is just my brain being a dick, some of this is trauma behavior from past problematic relationships. ( Oh! I see you did the dishes, but why didn’t you vacuum the living room?)
When I can get out of my own head and look at the situation with logic – I can see that what I do in a day is enough. Even if it takes me a month to post a blog entry, when it used to only take me a week – I am enough. Things will happen in their time and I’m not beholden to anyone else’s clock. Oh! I also made a clock my mom bought me – but because that was fun it does not count as an accomplishment….according to whom?
SO – What Does This All Mean?
If you work better off a pre-planned to-do list, then make one.
If you work better marking things done as you go because you find to-do lists overwhelming, then do that.
If that fancy phone app, or online calendar, is the best way for you to ensure you get everything important accomplished- then use them.
But – if you find that none of these things make you feel GOOD and accomplished. Or they simply don’t help – then don’t use them.
We need to stop forcing ourselves to use systems that do not work FOR us and only set us up to feel like failures. I have a daily planner journal – that is undated. This way when I feel it important to plan out the next day (for a big holiday dinner) I have the option to just open to the next blank page and use the planner for that day.
I don’t need to plan out every day – as I know what needs to be done in general. I also use google calendar to keep track of appointments, moon cycles, and holidays. This way google reminds me and I can act accordingly. This multi-modal approach works best for me. However, it does not work for my children or my husband.
In a household of 4 people, we have four approaches to functioning. My husband, Goddess love him, can just...remember to do one off stuff around the house that I ask him to do. For things that have a monthly or longer timeline he sets reminders in his phone and just….does them. He’s a cryptid I swear.
My daughter must plan out every moment of her day, or she will fall into a cycle of bad habits and last-minute actions that stress her out. My son needs to use the Flora app to schedule his top to-do items and use the built in timer to ensure he does it right away- or he’ll forget the notification ever happened.
There are some shared approaches – and we need to switch it up and try different applications to our strategies every so often – but that is because as we grow our needs change. Allow yourself the space for this type of evolution, you glorious Pokémon you. This can be in the mundane, or the magical space. If lighting a candle every day of the week worked for you, and then suddenly it no longer works – that’s ok. Find what works best for the you of TODAY and don’t allow you of YESTERDAY spoil your fun.
Sometimes we just need to switch it up for a while to fit the current now. This is true for those of us who like to change our alters seasonally. If you just don’t want to transition from spring to summer, or from fall to winter, then don’t. Maybe you need to keep the winter rest period a bit longer than Ostara allows. That’s valid and a good reminder of where to focus on.
The world of social media is going to tell you what cadence it wants you to live your life. You can’t escape the ads, the reels, or the blog posts (I know). But you can decide that, while interesting, that information simply is not valid for you right now and move on. As a chronic overthinker – it is hard for me to not overthink my life – please don’t overthink your life. Think things through, certainly, but don’t run yourself in circles trying to make sure that you are “doing the witchcraft right” or that you are “perfect at adulting”.
Find what works for your brain – and be kind to yourself. It is MORE than OK to be how you are, make the accommodations you need for that so you can function in a world that was not made for us. There are plenty of tools to help you, find what works and grow with it.